majokmindfuleating

I stumble through life in the literal sense and give my family plenty of opportunity for laughter.  And while the falling down is sometimes quite painful, thank goodness, I pay attention and learn how to lesson the potential for falls in the future.

 Number 1 – Accept I am not a candidate for downhill skiing     –    and  . . .

 Walk slowly     –     Stay focused       –    And most importantly, laugh when it happens

 The point in all this self-disclosure is that, most assuredly, as you experience life, you will fall down too.  Maybe not in the physical sense, but rather a fall in the psychological sense.  You will try something and it won’t go as expected.  We’ll call it a mistake, failure, fiasco or catastrophe.  I’ll talk more about labeling.

 You all know that unless one falls off a cliff into an abyss, we are likely to recover from a physical fall.  But the psychological fall????  Well that’s a little more challenging to bounce back from.   

 A blow to the ego can cause a lifetime of suffering and prevent you from ever trying again.

 I accept that I will continue to make mistakes, so over the years I developed techniques to overcome the possible devastation, embarrassment, chagrin and paralyzing fear that could accompany a psychological fall.   I am absolutely not immune to those feelings creeping back, but I am much more resilient and I don’t let a failure prevent me from trying again.   To overcome the hesitation and fear of putting myself out there – I developed a brave heart.

 Increasing my bravado was done in increments.   When I was a younger woman, I never did anything spirited.  I never did anything that I wasn’t good at and since I didn’t think I was good at anything, well you get the idea.  I never put myself in a position to suffer public embarrassment.  I never laughed when I fell down.  I just wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. 

 So, how did I transform from a shy, never take a chance because you are such a failure at everything kind of girl into a woman who says she has a brave heart?  I’ll tell you how I got it and you can have one too.  Just think about the word B-R-A-V-E and change the internal label.

 Next post: How to begin the journey

We moved back to New York and until we find a home of our own we are living with our children.  We go from house to house (there are 3) trying not to wear out our welcome.  We are constantly looking for pieces of paper or items of clothing in the piles of boxes in storage.  Sometimes we find them and sometimes not.  I find myself wondering if I really need all this stuff and then I think about some of my treasured memorabilia and decide I do. 

This has been a humbling and enlightening experience.  I thought I knew my children pretty well, but now we’ve shared more in the past several months, and I feel even closer to them.  Each home is differently run and I sometimes feel like a chameleon adjusting and blending.  I’ve certainly mastered the art of keeping my mouth shut.

This is a temporary situation for me, but there are those of us who wander for ever.  Not so much in the physical sense of not having a permanent home, but in the spiritual sense, never landing in just the right spot or maintaining a safe existence. 

It doesn’t have to remain that way.  What would you do if you could have any life you want?  How would you go about getting it?

Just a thought . . . we were having a really nice dinner this week and I noticed that the couple at the table next to us were not talking, and the woman was focusing all her attention on her phone.  The man was staring into space.  Not only was the personal connection disconnected, but I imagine there was a disconnection to the food as well.  We were tasting and commenting on each other’s food, and while we may have eaten more than we would normally, we enjoyed every bite!

This has not been the case for me in the past.  I’ve mostly journeyed through eating and other events mindlessly and as a result cannot recall what I ate or details about the event.  I’ve promised myself to pay more attention, and that is a new behavior and is not always accomplished easily.  But when I do – what a difference it makes!

In church today, a woman sat beside me and she was clearly agitated.  How did I know this?  She proceeded to tell me how she felt excluded by a women’s church group and that her husband had questioned her choice of religion while he was driving her to church.  And as a result, she was in a bad mood.  I suggested that this was a good place to let all that go and focus on the next hour of prayer, community and contemplation.  She left early, so I surmise that she was not able to just sit back and relax into the moment.  Which led me to think about the times when I (because of that inner negative voice) transformed an experience from something positive and possibly enjoyable to the exact opposite.  And just who really suffered as a result?